Tensions are so hot, you have become cold roommates.
Or the distrust and arguments are regularly bearing the fruit of resentment and bitterness.
Being a frog in the bot of boiling water is no fun.
Part of the false belief is that your situation "just happened."
As the saying goes, "The best time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining."
Being proactive before a crisis is one of the hardest habits for humans:
- Saving before the rainy day
- Exercise before the stroke
- Flossing before the gum disease
Jesus calls is to always be ready for that impending day.
Be prepared and ready with extra oil in your lamps.
This lie has made it into our vernacular:
"Don't fix if it isn't broken."
The lie: unless the marriage is falling apart, it ain't broke.
This lie causes couples to turn their heads and settle in silence.
They take offense at attempts to repair it, because admission that something is wrong is too painful.
The problem starts once the water starts getting hotter and hotter. Not once it's already boiling.
So many couples end up buying this lie...till it's too late.
Escaping from the boiling pot together is very hard.
You may even pull each other down: as one of you crawls their way out, the other pulls you back down.
Or you escape, and now you're a frog out of water, while your spouse boils.
Both cases are painful.
the promised land
God promises respite, like trees that thrive despite the heat.
That respite is the safety, curiosity and grace to address problems head on together.
Your marriage can survive the heat of external adversity as well as the inner brokenness, and still bear fruit.
The underlying truth is that the answer to ending the boiling water is to bring forth fresh, cool water regularly.
The heat will not disappear. Much of it comes from your sin and the sin of your spouse.
So it must be drenched, but most people don't do this, or even think of it this way.
Have an honest discussion with your spouse about the degree to which you have a daily "cooling" down of the inevitable boiling water.
If not, what is in the way?
“Those who were foolish took their lamps and took no oil with them, but the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps.”
He shall be like a tree Planted by the rivers of water, That brings forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also shall not wither; And whatever he does shall prosper.