Now that the water is near boiling, you, your partner, or both look around for answers. Your specific conflicts will differ from couple to couple.
But all broken relationships are the same: growing distance, resentment, condemnation, and contempt.
There's some urgency. Perhaps now you agree to see a therapist. Or you start talking to friends. Or randomly selecting podcasts, books or classes.
Some may be good.
But many will not.
A common refrain from all those sources: decide what is best for you. Choose you. Punish the other.
It's a lie.
Yet most of the world believes this line of thinking.
The self-centeredness is masked as wisdom and compassion.
Which leads to further separation. Digging in of heels. Arguments and defensiveness.
But you can go past this.
the promised land
The promised land on this side of heaven isn't the absence of pain and conflict.
It's knowing how to calm the storm. It's knowing what is at the root.
We know part of the problems lies within ourselves but in this heated moment, cannot face it. The promised land gives us grace to face our sinfulness and fear.
In nearly every case (minus extreme mental disorder or addiction), the conflict grows from two forces: shame or fear.
Jesus frees us from shame for our sins and from fear of a just punishment.
Spiritual wisdom can shape your mind and reveal your heart.
Worldly wisdom is foolishness. And foolishness will lead you to destruction.
A self-centered wisdom protects us from shame and fear. And puts the weight on the other: our spouse, our parents, our circumstances.
Spiritual wisdom reveals the truth.
your next step
Are you ingesting or building a library of human knowledge?
Or do you have a regular, relevant source of spiritual wisdom in your life?
Assess your intake for how much it directly feeds your marriage.
Resolve to make build your marriage upon with a steady source of spiritual wisdom based on Scripture.
“For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is written, “He catches the wise in their own craftiness”;”
“Fools die because they refuse to follow wisdom. They are content to follow their foolish ways, and that will destroy them.”