When we encounter a marital problem, we often don't know how to address it!
So we don't do anything.
But resentment and bitterness has already seeped into the relationship.
The water is heating up.
We think that a false peace is better than the confrontation.
It is partially true: endless fighting, arguments, disrespectful tones, will lead to despair and distance.
So we withold the truth to prevent the pain of conflict.
We may even lie to ourselves: holding our tongue is for the other person.
As a result, distance grows and bitterness deepens its roots.
The problems thicken. The temperature rises.
Eventually you treat each others as roommates.
Then one of you, unable to contain their resentment, asks for a divorce. Ironically this hurts their spouse far more than had they been able to breach the issue and spoken the truth.
That's the pain of the lie. The truth is withhold the truth for ourselves, not for the other person.
the promised land
The actual Promised Land isn't a perfect marriage.
It's the safety, grace, and trust in God's word to allow a "working out" of each other's sanctification together without condemnation.
The promised land on earth is to experience a sanctifying cycle that redeems our sin through grace and truth. This reminds us of Christ at the cross.
When the two of you agree ahead of time to a daily habit of letting Scripture convict one another, then you can let your spouse up to God's hands.
Most of the time, let the Word cut to the bone and reveal thoughts.
Sometimes Scripture will challenge you to speak the truth or share an unmet need.
Start the conversation to have 15-minutes daily to go over such a set of devotions together; to read them or listen to them together and discuss.
Every day, for 15-minutes.
“For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.”
“What shall we say then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! On the contrary, I would not have known sin except through the law. For I would not have known covetousness unless the law had said, “You shall not covet.””
“They have also healed the hurt of My people slightly, Saying, ‘Peace, peace!’ When there is no peace.”